Thanks for sharing, I completely relate to this. My mother suffered from depression (and still does) throughout most of my childhood. She’s afraid of any sort of medication and has never had therapy as far as I know, and she has become more bitter as the years go by.

I never felt very loved by her, and we never spent any one-to-one time at all when I was past the age of four. I have early memories of her singing and reading to me, but nothing after that (maybe when her depression got worse? I have no idea, she doesn’t let anyone get close to her).

After therapy this year, I’ve come to accept that I’ll never have a good relationship with my mother. Maybe it’s possible if she has therapy, but that is unlikely. My residual emotion about the whole thing is sadness, but I can live with that. I feel sorry for her that she missed out on my childhood — physically present but mentally checked out. I love my son so much and I’m so thankful that I’m not repeating the mistakes of the past.

Glad you have found some acceptance and freedom from it.