For me, coping is being able to hold the painful feelings at the forefront of my thoughts, feeling the pain of them and giving them space to come out, but at the same time, accepting them and not following those feelings down the rabbit-holes of hatred, anger and despair. After therapy, I find I am able to sit with my painful memories and feelings, as if one part of my mind is the hurt child but the other part of my mind is the therapist or parent — coping feels like I am parenting myself.

Denial is when I feel the painful feelings but don’t let them sit upfront, in the light so to speak, but instead I try to ignore the feelings, pretend they are not happening or push them back down into the dark.